Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Local newspaper adopts new name, image

According to unconfirmed reports, the owners & publishers of Brunswick’s daily newspaper have announced that the publication is putting a new face on the operation.  Determined to stem a precipitous circulation decline, the paper’s leadership has been searching for an identity that would breath new life into its pages, and be more consistent with its editorial policies, journalistic rigor, and the refined sensibilities of the region.

“We felt it was important to get the best ideas possible in this endeavor,” the paper’s owner allegedly said, “so we enlisted the help of the noted media consulting firm Bailey, Balderdash and Malarkey, who’ve recently been helping ABC News and the New York Times with their images.”

The locals were advised to connect with the character of the community, and Bowdoin College is clearly a cultural pillar of the town.  Impressed by the catchiness of the college newspaper’s name – ‘The Bowdoin Orient’ – the publisher asked the consultants to come up with something similarly appealing and symbolic, and after months of rigorous study, they struck pay dirt.

Henceforth, the broadsheet will be known as ‘The Brunswick Ostrich,’ and the masthead will read:

The Brunswick Ostrich

Serving the willfully uninformed since 1967

In keeping with the theme, the editorial board adopted the mascot shown below:


Editors claim to be excited about the new identity, and believe it will “tie all the loose ends together,” a willfully un-named source close to them said.  “Even the photographers feel a new sense of dedication,” the source said, “and to prove it, they offered this shot of the editors digging in to a crucial story,” presumably about the planned beach resort on the redeveloped Brunswick Naval Air Station.


Calls to Ostrich offices were not returned by post time, so this reporter cannot confirm or deny whether “feathers will be flying”  due to any possible staff realignments. 

And questions about whether the beach resort is simply a Potemkin Village do-over for Oxford Aviation and renowned barrister F. Lee Bailey will go unanswered.

Which, come to think of it, is just the way the editors have always liked things.

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