There isn’t much exciting to pass along from the past week’s Security Report in The Bowdoin Orient.
So we’ll give you just a few quick highlights.
The first one is that in comparison to prior listings, they identified a local hospital as Parkview Adventist Medical Center. We’re glad to see they finally looked up the name and quoted it accurately.
The second one is this:
An officer escorted an Appleton Hall student to the Mid-Coast Walk-In Clinic after he cut his finger while slicing a banana.
We hope the officer’s injury heals quickly, and that he’ll be more careful the next time he wants some fresh fruit. Or was it that the student cut his finger (or did he cut the officer’s?), and the officer was slicing a banana during the transport?
Back in the day we took English Composition, this would have resulted in a red-pencil comment saying “ambiguous; reword for clarity.”
Regardless, it looks like campus authorities should schedule a knife safety course soon. If not confiscate all real knives on campus, and replace them with harmless plastic ones that can slice a banana and other soft fruits safely. On the other hand, they could add a fruit cutting service to the Security Department job description. Students who do not hold a fruit cutting credential could contact Security, who would then dispatch a certified banana slicer.
As one more idea, campus activists could advocate for safe banana slicing, and place bowls of these devices everywhere on campus:
The slicers would be available at any time night or day, whenever the urge to engage in ‘cutting-up’ arises. As long as it’s consensual.
If we don’t put safety first in such matters, how are we going to keep a lid on skyrocketing health care costs?
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