Monday, April 15, 2013

Ummmm….Just the Facts


There isn’t much exciting to pass along from the past week’s Security Report in The Bowdoin Orient.

So we’ll give you just a few quick highlights.

The first one is that in comparison to prior listings, they identified a local hospital as Parkview Adventist Medical Center.  We’re glad to see they finally looked up the name and quoted it accurately.

The second one is this:

An officer escorted an Appleton Hall student to the Mid-Coast Walk-In Clinic after he cut his finger while slicing a banana.

We hope the officer’s injury heals quickly, and that he’ll be more careful the next time he wants some fresh fruit.  Or was it that the student cut his finger (or did he cut the officer’s?), and the officer was slicing a banana during the transport?

Back in the day we took English Composition, this would have resulted in a red-pencil comment saying “ambiguous; reword for clarity.”

Regardless, it looks like campus authorities should schedule a knife safety course soon.  If not confiscate all real knives on campus, and replace them with harmless plastic ones that can slice a banana and other soft fruits safely.  On the other hand, they could add a fruit cutting service to the Security Department job description.  Students who do not hold a fruit cutting credential could contact Security, who would then dispatch a certified banana slicer.

As one more idea, campus activists could advocate for safe banana slicing, and place bowls of these devices everywhere on campus:


The slicers would be available at any time night or day, whenever the urge to engage in ‘cutting-up’ arises.  As long as it’s consensual.

If we don’t put safety first in such matters, how are we going to keep a lid on skyrocketing health care costs?


  1. Let me just check that I'm getting this right. Are you taunting someone for cutting their finger with a knife? And this happens ONLY on the Bowdoin campus?? You have never heard of someone accidentally cutting themselves with a sharp knife? REALLY? Perhaps that student needed stitches to close the wound (like some people do). If this happened to someone off the Bowdoin campus, he would most likely drive himself to the hospital if he believed it was necessary. Many Bowdoin students (including freshman, like the person in this case) do not have access to cars. That officer was the student's ride to the hospital; a perfectly reasonable explanation.

    Perhaps if you got off your high horse and looked at a situation from all angles, you would omit some of the ridiculous nonsense in your blog. Shame on you. You're embarrassing yourself.

  2. Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Peter.

    But we have to wonder whether you might be embarrassing yourself by even reading our efforts.

    You might also try to discern the difference between 'taunting' and irony. And when the primary focus is on the grammatics of the report, as opposed to the incident itself.

    You also seemed to miss the spin-off on the provision of condoms around the campus by the college.

    That said, wounding oneself, to the point of needing stitches, in the act of slicing a banana would suggest that common sense and/or sobriety may not have been AWOL here.

    I'm not much on horses, but to us, it looks like you're on the high one. Be careful you don't cut yourself on the reins.