We’ve overheard many in town whispering that we aren’t exactly the sharpest bulb in the drawer, and that we might even be a few watts short of a full load.
Still, we think it’s fair to say that our credentials in serious matters of power generation and distribution are a matter of record. At least in some places. Don’t believe us? Maybe you need to brush up a bit, and you can begin by reading this prior epic.
If you read our post of October 7th, and read the related Maine Wire column, you know the latter suggested that Alan Caron and Angus King are political animals of the chameleon type. (Don’t forget the latest Maine Wire item, found here.)
We believe, from what we know and read, that Angus has recently taken inspiration from solar wind, shown in the graphic just below. And why wouldn’t he? The concept is lofty enough to give Maine’s loonies the vapors, while being so amorphous as to defy confirmation. Which makes it a shoo-in for government subsidies.
The heliospheric current sheet results from the influence of the Sun's rotating magnetic field on the plasma in the solar wind.
This may be why we’ve noticed Angus supporters sporting the latest in political chapeaux, hyping the ‘renewable energy’ aura surrounding his campaign. Unless, that is, the beanies are personal transporters for carrying wearers back to the mother ship that brought them to our planet.
Regardless, the six colors go nicely with the chameleon theme, don’t you think?
King’s history in the wind business is, as they say, complicated. First, there is Independence Wind. Nice touch that, given his professed lack of firm governing principles. Apparently, Independence Wind spawned the Record Hill project, which led to a new company, Record Hill Wind.
This project received huge federal loan guarantees, and was the source of some embarrassment for King as he announced his run for Olympia Snowe’s Senate seat. Not as much is known about Highland Wind, another project in which King and his partners were involved.
KIng’s son Angus III is a Vice President at First Wind, which operates wind energy projects in New England, and wouldn’t you know, serves as an advisor, like his father, to Alan Caron’s Envision Maine ‘non-profit.’
Now the big news. We’ve heard that Angus is drawing up plans for a new enterprise called Second Wind. Borrowing from the aforementioned solar wind theory, Angus’ latest inspiration is intended to overcome wind power’s biggest problem – that wind blows when it wants to, and doesn’t when it doesn’t want to, making it unreliable as a foundational, primary power source.
Wind turbines also suffer from public opposition for a number of reasons, including their size, required destruction of natural settings, their blight on the viewscape, their thrumming noise and irritating shadow patterns, and their efficiency as a Vitamix blender for birds who stray into their air space.
Couple this with the fact that generators are simply electric motors running in reverse, and vice versa. and you have the seeds of a brilliant solution.
Second Wind will, with the help of hundreds of millions in federal subsidies and loan guarantees, develop solar powered wind machines. These will look much like the wind turbines we’ve all become familiar with, but with acres of solar panels mounted atop their towers. These panels will drive electric motors that spin huge blades to generate wind, which will be aimed at nearby wind turbines.
Here’s the really great part of this plan. The motors in the solar powered wind machines will turn in the opposite direction of the existing wind turbines. Just like noise cancelling headphones, this will cause the thrumming noise and annoying shadow pattern of the wind turbines to be zeroed out. The air space between the two will be a neutral, calm, bird repelling zone, so wildlife will no longer be minced into a fine dice by the wind turbines that now function as giant bird chippers.
Best of all, harmonic light wave variations will create a holographic phenomenon that makes both the existing and new towers disappear from view. No towers, no dead birds, no noise, no shadows, just free, renewable power. As long as the sun shines or the wind blows. With more well deserved largesse for Angus and his friends. Next thing you know, he could be making $500,000 a year in reportable income!
The most exciting part of this plan is that when the sun don’t shine and the wind don’t blow, Second Wind has a backup plan. They are developing ‘blinding light’ towers, flexibly fueled by natural gas, oil, or coal, that will generate sufficient photons to activate the solar panels on the nearby wind machines to generate enough wind to propel the wind powered electric power generators. And when all else fails, the grid connections can reverse current flow and drive the wind generators electrically.
Ain’t sustainable, renewable energy generation magical?
Breaking News:
A reliable source leaked to us that Angus is also developing plans for an enterprise called Break Wind. This renewable power scheme is based on a biochemical energy source, obtained by fitting individuals with PMCD’s (personal methane capture devices.) PMCD’s would serve dual purposes: improving air and sound quality for visitors to the wearer’s ‘personal space,’ while providing a natural and organic fuel base for heating, cooking, and lighting, and perhaps someday, powering vehicles and generators. The marketing tag is expected to be “Finally, natural gas accessible to everyone, everywhere, all the time!” No matter where you go, you’ll have your renewable energy source up close and personal.
Clearly, this is the kind of innovation you can only expect when visionaries like Angus and friends set their minds to Envisioning and Reinventing Maine.
One More Surprise:
Did you know that if you drive your Prius backwards, you can power your house with it? This is because, as we told you earlier, generators are simply electric motors running backwards and vice versa.
This is why, should Angus lose, he has more exciting plans for ventures in the energy business. Now that one of his sons, the more sedate and news-worthy one, is entrenched in First Wind, Angus plans to leverage the cash flow from that enterprise in a new effort code named Mariah.
This will be a challenging R&D venture, targeted at residential users. The breakthrough required is to find a way to park a Prius like vehicle and run it backwards while sitting on rollers, so it can power your house and charge the batteries in your i-devices.
Once the technology is perfected, Angus and his partners plan to produce the Sugna Suirp, a fancifully named auto “hybrid” reminiscent of Studebakers of yore. That company failed because it was ahead of its time, before anyone realized a vehicle that looked the same going backwards or forwards could revolutionize energy distribution.
Feast your eyes on that classic just below. If you happen to have one tucked away in a barn somewhere, Angus can probably arrange for a federally guaranteed load to take it off your hands.
It’s always popular to finish such theatrics on a musical note, so here you are:
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever spinning reel
As the images unwind
Like the circles
That you find
In the windmills of your mind!
</parody>
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