Monday, December 13, 2010

News Flash: EuroDisney proposes canal “transit service” between Portland and Brunswick and beyond

Other Side Exclusive!

While it was not our intent to make it known this soon, recent events have forced our hand, and we must now confirm that Side has added an experienced European correspondent to our staff. 

The move is already bearing journalistic fruit.  Working with a source known only as TooLoose Parreau, the secretive owner of web-based, our correspondent has obtained a copy of confidential  EuroDisney plans for expansion in the American Northeast.

The Disney affiliate has been in secret negotiations with US and Maine officials for an innovative transit system that it calls “a perfect blend of Disney ‘imagineering’ and American government ‘spendineering.’”  The “raison d'être” is the American love of water parks, combined with loose strings on the public purse when it comes to FantasyLand concepts.

Side’s new reporter, Jaques-Michael  Mousse (Michee, to his friends) says the proposal includes two parallel waterways, one for Downeast travel, and the other for Upeast travel.  Playing the globalism card, Disney officials propose filling one canal with Evian water, and the other with Poland Springs.  In the proposal, the lead engineer, Don-Louis LeDuque, mentions the dip and sip benefit this provides, or as those on the continent like to call it, Free DiSi.

While the initial concept calls for the canals to flow between Portland and Brunswick, Disney officials believe that Paul LePage, the incoming governor in Maine, would be supportive of extending the waterways to LeWiston, where additional ridership would become accessible.  And perhaps to points beyond, including eventual connection to Canadian destinations.

Initial plans call for covered, climate controlled canals to provide all season comfort.  Should the climate controls fail in the winter, the canals can easily be converted to cross country ice skating runs, much the same as happens in Ottowa to the north.  Snowmobiling and dogsledding are other growth options considered, and cargo capability, including log transport, could be available in either frozen or liquid states.

To demonstrate feasibility and validate the design fundamentals, a prototype is already being tested in France, shown in the video below.  Note the emphasis on diversity and global community (It’s a small world), which will no doubt garner strong support from the “tres chic” aristocracy in the Northeast.  The French background music can only help.  Champagne, anyone?

Disney officials are convinced “the much beloved theme song will make the three hour float from Portland to Brunswick seem like it only took three days.”

Initial cost estimates suggest the system can be built for roughly $35 million (US) per mile, which makes it well within the range of past boondoggle programs.  Roughly a third of that will be used to purchase the insouciance of the environmental interests and the banana zealots, according to preliminary budget estimates.  An additional 10% is expected to cover the costs of the entrenched consultancy, to gain it’s “buy-in.”

Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez, faithful readers!

1 comment:

  1. Your only mistke is to give these idiots more ideas than they can come up with on their own.