Sunday, September 8, 2013

More Lake Basebegone, whether you wanted it or not

It’s time for a follow-up to the post we published just a few days ago.

We begin with this question: is Lake Basebegone a ‘vernal pool’ in the regulatory sense?  You may wonder why we ask, but we don’t.  Perhaps by the time you get to the end of this post, your intuition will have kicked in.

But back to our main point.  In that recent post, we said this:

You know about Lake Basebegone; it’s where all the children are above average, all the schools are excellent, houses only sell because of the excellent schools, each and every teacher is a saint, all the municipal ‘investments’ simulate economic development and reduce the burdens of government, public funds are not public or private funds, schools underachieve because of insufficient taxpayer funds, public buildings are a boon to demolition contractors, and keeping physical assets in good repair is so yesterday, and counterproductive to community pride.

It’s also where elected officials are humble, self-sacrificing, and public service oriented, men are hard working, and women are good looking and protectors of the public trust.  In the most gentle of ways.

Here’s a hard working man:


And here’s one of our humble elected officials, Matthea Elisabeth Larsen Daughtry by name, captured in candid circumstances, working on our behalf.  The first appears on her official web page.  Her humility is certainly something she’s proud of, as you can tell from the way she presents herself to the rest of us.

It turns out that other humble and good-looking members of the Lake Basebegone ruling class are seeking to protect the public trust on our behalf.  One wants to be a town councilor, and the other wants to govern us at the state level.  Lucky us.   Brunswick deserves them, in a karmic sort of way.

Hold it right there, you say.  Back up the editorial truck.

Good point. That earlier post we referred to talked about the J.P. conundrum.  And we were a bit obtuse in getting to the teeth of the matter.

Our central point was this: is Lake Basebegone big enough for two protagonists to be designated here on Other Side by the initials “J.P.?”

Coming up with the “J” for a second protagonist is no problem, even if we want it to apply to an attorney.  J is for Jackie, or Jacquie, or Jacqueline or however else you wish to expand it.  And Lake Basebegone has one.  As for the “P,” we were thinking in terms of ‘pretentious,’ or ‘pompous,’ or perhaps ‘political’ at the very worst.  You know us; we work hard to keep things civil and non-judgmental here on Side.

We opened it up to you, our readers.  Out of all the suggestions we received, one rose to the top.  We’re a bit non-minused to pass it along, but in the interest of First Amendment rights, we have no choice.  So here it is: ‘Jackie Piranha.’

We were, at first, taken aback by the suggestion.  But as we dozed off and let the sandman do his thing, we recalled some scars on our ankles from past encounters with this candidate for J.P. immortality.  In public settings, no less.  Along with her reminder to us that ‘honesty is not always the best policy,’ which was quite an eye-opener from a then serving town councilor. 

Not to mention more than one attempt to ‘use us,’ to borrow a term from Dale King.

So we are acquiescing.  Because the resemblance is just too striking to be ignored.


Add to that the fact that piranhas are known to travel in schools, and the choice becomes even more compelling.


So from here-on out, you can expect us to refer to Johnny “J.P.” Richardson, and Jackie “J.P.” Sartoris, especially since they seem to be traveling in the same ‘school’ these days, swimming upriver towards Augusta, looking for a big fish to devour.  They might even be trying to get some young and ‘innocent’ fry to join them in their predatory pursuits; see if you can guess who that might be. 

Somebody’s got to teach the youngsters how to survive in this dog eat dog world of ours. 


Even if it takes swimming underwater to do it.

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